the dork
is merely an ordinary dork,
has the world's WORST judgment in guys,
thinks she's from outer space,
is trying NOT to fall for the wrong guys,
is trying to be a grown-up,
meanwhile, being herself.
Beautiful Disaster current mood : oh-so-giddy theme song : Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin
The previous blog of mine is really dead this time. I'm not gonna use it anymore. Not even once. Hence, www.cherubcherub.blogspot.com is finally deceased.
Life has been the same. And I'm pretty much the same Jeanette Kong as ever. Just that some parts of me are changing. Mentally, of course. How do you solve your problems when you, yourself, are the root of all your problems? This is something I would like to ask myself. I've eventually realized that I am not just flawed but problematic as well. Some of you must have noticed that a long time ago. And many of you have warned me about that. Okie, I just really hate to say, " Oh damn, you are so right about me!" Anyway, it's never too late to wake up, right? "You need to grow up, you know?No one is gonna clean your shits for you. Be responsible!" Yeah, I heard that. I've always thought I was moving on. Yet, I was actually going no where. Even my Mum asked me to grow up. Okie, it's really embarrassing to type this out. But yeah, she's right.
And, finally, finally, I came up with a conclusion after analyzing my problems. Well, it's not just a conclusion. A solution as well. I know I always liked to ask, "Why do I always meet assholes?" Leann, I know you are probably gonna say, " Assholes are just meant for you!" Okie, shut up. ANSWER: I was always being extraordinarily naive. And I was the one who brought those jerky assess into my life firstly. So technically, I should stop complaining. Why was I always so unlucky in my love life? Because I chose it. So when things went wrong, I shouldn't blame on anyone. In fact, I was to blame for all these. Okie, how could I even expect such thing to last anyway? He probably never meant to be the one. I thought he's gonna be different. I thought it was gonna be different. Undeniably, these thoughts of mine are just, well, NAIVE. Come on, what was I thinking? Why would I think that he's even serious? "Jean, you are not a 2-year-old kid, ok?He's just trying to get you into his bed! Idiot." Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are absolutely right. He's just another guy, I assume. Oh please, where did I meet him huh? At a fucking club. Now, I am making a fool of myself here. Firstly, why those so-called-not-too-bad-yet-might-have-the-slightest-chance-to-turn- into-an-asshole would want to chill at clubs?! Okie, what I'm trying to say is why would people like geeks would want to go to the clubs? Nah no, I'm not saying that I like geeks here. Well, geeks are not bad. But not too geeky. Oh damn, what am I talking about?! "Don't go to the clubs if you are looking for a serious relationship. Go to the right place to meet the right guy! " Friends say. I have to make myself clear here.
Truth #1 I would never want to look for anyone in a club. Not even a stupid fling.
Truth #2 I don't like to go clubbing. I am serious. DEAAAAAAAAAAD SERIOUS here. I know, you guys must be shouting ,"LIAR!" Yet, honestly, I don't like it. Never. I will only do that when I am feeling low. Ok, it's a super duper wrong choice. Therefore, no more clubbing! What I'm gonna do when I'm feeling low next time? JUST SLEEP!
Truth #3 ONE-NIGHT-STAND?! NO WAY. I do have my own principle here. I am open-minded yet conservative at the same time. By the way, what the hell is wrong with being still a virgin at my age?HUH?HUH?HUH? HELLO?! Oh male creatures, I just don't give in that easily. I just don't do that for the sake of doing that. Of course, there's gonna be an exception. But only when I meet the right and special one. When will that be? 20 years later? or it's not gonna happen at all? Well, I don't care. All I know is if he happens to be the right one, he will not just leave me because I refuse to have sex with him. DUH.
To prevent myself from getting into shits again, I ought to be rational. Be realistic. and Mr. Fishtank? I'm going with the flow now. Even if he only exists in the outer space, I know somehow somewhere I am gonna find him. Coz I am sure he shines brighter than sunshine.
